do it yourself FREEDOM

Impacts: Mind, Health, Home, Work, Money, Community, Time

“The money you have gives you freedom; the money you pursue enslaves you.” – Jean Jacques Rousseau

“The Lord commonly gives riches to foolish people, to whom he gives nothing else.” – Martin Luther

“Every man is rich or poor according to the proportion between his desires and his enjoyments.” – Samuel Johnson

This one is really hard to achieve because we learn to consume at a very early age. Need and want are sometimes inseparable in our minds when it comes to how things make us feel about ourselves. Sometimes the desire for something is so overwhelming we become obsessed by it and we often don’t stop to discover why, we just work blindly to achieve it.

When I was a kid my family went for a day hike one weekend. When we got back my brothers and I noticed a little blue sports car parked next to our van that had not been there before. I asked my older brother what it was and he said it was a Porsche. From that day on I wanted one so bad it hurt. I know that sounds stupid but I had got bitten early by the sports car bug.

As I grew up an obsession grew and on a regular basis I’d browse the car classifieds in the newspaper and in time online, constantly imagining the car I’d buy someday. A few times I scraped together enough money to buy a used Porsche but talked myself into waiting for a better car. Over the years I spent a lot of time thinking and dreaming about the day I’d drive it home.

Finally when I was 38 I bought one. It was used but seemed to be in very good condition. But the day I drove it home it broke down. The dealer paid for the tow and repair so there was little financial damage but the experience sent a powerful wake up call into my head. Sitting on the side of the highway in a dead Porsche waiting for a tow truck helped a bit too. After a few months I sold it.

Looking back I realize that I learned an important lesson and the money I lost almost seemed worth it. Inside me there must have been some unmet need I was certain this car would fulfill. One thing is for sure, my crazy obsession had taken on a life of its own and most definitely distracted me from making progress in other areas. On the bright side at least I learned this important lesson before turning 40. This has given me few more useful years to refocus on the things that really matter. It’s also opened me up to looking at all my consumer desires with a different set of eyes.

I suspect that understanding deeply buried desires is probably the hardest thing for any of us to do. Wanting less or at least understanding why we want so much can unburden us in many ways. In my case I wasted a lot of time, energy, and money on a car that in the end proved to be more dream than car. Had I gotten a grip, and gotten over it sooner, I could have made a lot of progress on other more productive things. Although its arguable that until we learn this lesson the hard way we have to continue living the mistakes. That may be true of a lot of things.

In any event, at least for me, wanting less has become one of the most freeing decisions I’ve made. It continues to be a daily challenge but it pays me back dividends in time with my family and time for the things I like doing.

Exercise

• Make a short list of the things you want most. For this exercise limit this list to tangible things.
• Sort the list from most important to least important.
• Next to each item put an approximate number of years you’ve wanted it as a point of reference.
• Start with the least important things and write down why you want it.
• Move your way up the list.
• The goal is simply to open your eyes. Don’t try to talk yourself out of wanting these things, simply try to understand why you really want them.
• Once you begin to uncover your real unmet needs try fulfilling them in ways that don’t include obtaining things.